The Words given by A Dad That Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - spending a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."